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Want to know what the stars have in store for you? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes.

I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will sparks fly with a mysterious stranger? Do you really think it's wise to trust a mysterious stranger? Do I have any idea what I'm talking about? Read on to find out!

No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's certain. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here. Odd News Show

Entertainment

Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (May 17‑19)

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes.

I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.

These are regular jeans with no stains on them... yet Fahad Faisal/Wikimedia Commons

Culture

$800 Jeans With Fake Pee Stain Are No Accident

If peeing your pants is cool, then these pricey pee pants will make you Miles Davis. Or Wee-vi Strauss. Either way, if you’ve got money burning a hole in your pocket and a desire to look like you’ve lost control of at least one bodily function, urine luck.

An Alaskan Malamute that actually looks a little husky SCMW/Wikimedia

Animals

Dog DNA Testing Company Deems Woman 40% Malamute

The DNA testing company is having a ruff time after identifying a woman as 40% Malamute - and this is the second time it’s happened

In two words, make a Renaissance Fair sound cooler. KVUE/YouTube

World Records

The Kyleness of Strangers

Is there such a thing as too many Kyles? Unless you’re a Bosnian man named Ivan or a lover of Kyle puns, the answer is probably, “Who cares?”

Seems like this guy's shed is the opposite of the fountain of youth. TikTok/@alecschaal

Travel

Hot Shed Time Machine: Florida Man Claims His Shed Is A Portal

If you’re looking for a place to stay in Florida that will reinvigorate your youth, that’s St. Augustine. This guy’s shed, on the other hand, appears to age you forty years. Is it a time machine or the latest TikTok conspiracy theory?

The Oscars/YouTube

Entertainment

Best and Worst Fashion at the 2024 Oscars

The 96th annual Academy Awards took place last night in Los Angeles, and let me tell you, the fashions were fashioning. Hollywood’s biggest and brightest draped their Ozempic filled bodies in everything from silk to sequins.

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Sports

Even he didn't know what his gooooooooaal! was YouTube/CBC News: The National

Raccoon Breaks Record For Sucking At Soccer

If you were on a soccer field for almost three minutes and didn’t score, defend, or even touch the ball, a coach would lecture you about effort. Raquinho the Raccoon, on the other hand, is being hailed as a hero for some reason.

Curiosities

Choices of Coffins for the Catalepsia Escape Room aka Dracula's wet dream. Horror Box/YouTube

World’s Smallest Escape Room is a Claustrophobic Coffin Nightmare

Do you love escape rooms, but hate being alive? Are you a Vampire trying to spice up date night? Are you just really, really bored? If so, “Catalepsy,” the world’s smallest escape room, might be the place for you.

News

Just your run of the mill clothing-optional daytime bat fight. Stay Tuned/YouTube

Naked Woman Swings Spiked Bat In Bizarre Daytime Duel

What do you get when you mix a nudist, a spiked club, and a day at the beach? A real-life episode of “Naked and Afraid: Venice Beach Edition.”

Animals

Miss Baby Boo back home after more than a year.
She's seen some things. curtisorchard/Instagram

Foster Cat Returns Home; Won’t Say Where She Went

After a year-long disappearance, Baby Boo, the beloved foster cat of Curtis Orchard, has mysteriously returned back to her foster house. Now grown up, covered in piercings and going by the name Riptide, she’s set to be adopted by a new loving family.

Animals

The police take a picture with their newfound friend. Rocky distracted the cops so his accomplices could break out of jail. Texarkana Texas Police Department/Facebook

Cops and Hops: Police Encounter Pet Kangaroo

An unexpected call led Texarkana police to a friendly pet kangaroo, Rocky, at Spring Lake Park. The incident, shared on social media, brought a touch of joy and laughter to the community. Rocky is being held without bail and faces 12 years in prison.

Sports

2024 medals which may or may not be filled with chocolate. olympics/Instagram

Paris 2024 Unveils Historic Medals Infused With Eiffel Tower

Paris 2024 Olympic and Paralympic medals will feature a piece of the Eiffel Tower, symbolizing the fusion of athletic achievement with French heritage. This innovative design aims to provide a historic prize for athletes, and to weaken the Eiffel Tower until it collapses.

Travel

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile Taking in the Foliage Oscar Mayer/Facebook

Oscar Mayer is Looking for Wienermobile Drivers - Bonus Points if You’re Named Frank

Each year, Oscar Mayer seeks 11 adventurous individuals (and 1 recluse) for their “Wienermobile Spokesperson” role. The lucky dozen will drive the iconic 27-foot-long hotdog on cross-country journeys. To put that size in perspective, it is the length of 27 foot-long hot dogs end-to-end.

Curiosities

They found love in a hopeless place. Hop Shops/YouTube

Couple Weds in Kentucky Gas Station’s “Disco Bathroom” on Purpose

Choosing to start their union where 50% of marriages end, the toilet, newlyweds Logen Abney and Tiana Ailstock recently got hitched in what some would consider a crappy venue: a Kentucky gas station’s viral “disco bathroom.” 

World Records

Balloon Sculpture Created to Celebrate Chinese New Year Guinness World Records/Facebook

Hong Kong Sets New World Record With Astonishingly Huge Balloon Dragon

The world’s largest balloon dragon sculpture, 137.04 feet and crafted from 38,000 balloons, took flight in Hong Kong mall for Chinese New Year. The Guinness record-setting display symbolizes good luck and aims to inspire youth to pursue their passions.

Travel

Sukanen Ship Exploring Canada/YouTube

Unveiling the Untold Story of Canada’s Land-Locked Prairie Ship

Tom Sukanen, a Finnish-Canadian immigrant, built a ship in the middle of a Saskatchewan prairie with dreams of returning home. Despite hardships and ridicule, his legacy lives on in the Sontiainen Ship and Pioneer Village Museum.

Sports

Don Crisman, Gregory Eaton, and Tom Henschel of the "Never Miss A Super Bowl Club" 8 News Now-Las Vegas/YouTube

Three Fans Navigate Soaring Ticket Prices to Maintain Super Bowl Streak

The “Never Miss a Super Bowl Club,” down to three members, faced a threat to their streak due to high ticket prices for Super Bowl 58. Verizon’s intervention with free tickets ensured their reunion, continuing a tradition of witnessing every Super Bowl since 1967.