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A Wee Bit Unbelievable: Trespasser at Buckingham Palace Said He Was Looking for a Bathroom

When police discovered that the man had been making online searches about members of the Royal Family, they started to question whether he really was seeking a restroom, or “loo,” as they curiously call it there.

By Gabe Herman · June 7, 2024

Buckingham Palace draws many visitors every year, but sorry, the restrooms are for customers only. Chiugoran/Wikimedia Commons

Disclaimer: While this article is based on facts with a royal seal of approval, it is inbred with satire.

A man recently appeared in front of a British court concerning an alleged attempt last August to break into Buckingham Palace. The man climbed over the gates and reached the courtyard, reportedly setting off the security system around 9:30 PM, and the police arrived about four minutes later.

The man told the “bobbies” that he didn’t know where he was, and that he was just looking for someplace with a bathroom. “I just figured this was a really nice Starbucks,” he said. “I mean, I’ve seen nicer Starbucks, but this one looked pretty good, if a tad old-fashioned.”

Brits say the darndest things, such as: They'll go to the "loo" to take a "wee."  Lany-Jade Mondou/Pexels

Police searched his phone and found that he had been doing online searches for Buckingham Palace and members of the Royal Family. The man said he just wanted to ask the Royals if they knew of a good place in town to use the restroom because he figured they, of all people, would likely know the best spots. But at this point the police started to get suspicious, and thought that maybe he wasn’t being completely honest with them.

"I was only searching online for the Royal Family because surely they would know where to find the best bathrooms in town, so I figured why not ask them? Then, if we became friends, maybe I could be on a new season of 'The Crown.' They're still making that show, right?"
- Alleged trespasser

The Royals are considering upgrading their security system at Buckingham Palace to the Deluxe Plan. That package costs a little more per month but includes added security features for better protection, which probably come in handy when you’re very, very famous.

At Westminster Magistrates’ Court last month, the man did admit to trespassing, choosing not to argue the “when you gotta go, you gotta go” defense.