Odd News Show

Birthplace of Hot Dogs May Ban Wiener Dogs

Germany is considering a ban on breeding dachshunds because it has a problem with how the sausage (dog) is made.

By Elon Altman · April 2, 2024

The standard dachshund after spending three weeks in the stretching machine. Томасина/Wikimedia

Disclaimer: While this article is based on purebred facts, it does contain a cross-breeding of fluffy satire.

What has four short legs, an incredibly long midsection, and a cute snout? If you answered “my 8-year-old nephew’s poorly drawn horse,” you are technically correct, but a better answer is the popular dog breed known as the dachshund. Famous for their unique body shape, which earned them the nicknames “wiener dog” and “sausage dog,” the dachshund was first bred in Germany in the 18th century. But a recent draft of Germany’s Animal Protection Act could ban the breeding of this beloved canine.

Homeless dachshund puppy begging for an ear scratch.  Lachlan Hardy/Wikimedia Commons

The Animal Protection Act calls for a ban on torture breeding, defined as reproducing dog traits by means of “pain, suffering, or damage.” Critics say it’s unfair to ban torture breeding for animals when torture breeding for humans is a feature of most German sex clubs. Germany’s Kennel Club fears this rule would affect dachshunds, whose short legs are classified as an abnormality. They also worry that the Animal Protection Act could ban German shepherds for their short lifespan (the German shepherd dog breed, not actual German shepherds who have a short lifespan due to their diet of beer and sausage.)

The Kennel Club is pleading with officials to change the language to exclude restrictions on these dog breeds. They argue that it would hurt national pride for Germany to ban the breeding of its two most iconic dogs, the dachshund and the German shepherd. That would only leave the third most iconic German dog type - the guys who dress up like dogs at the Berlin sex club “Wuf Wuf.”

Germany’s agriculture ministry denies that the new bill would ban breeds like dachshunds and that it is simply strengthening existing laws on “torture breeding.” However, the Kennel Club believes the language is still overly vague and could be a slippery slope that bans many dog breeds. They’re especially concerned about the dachshund because a slippery slope is the worst thing for a dog with stubby legs.

- a concerned dachshund

To strengthen its cause, the Kennel Club has circulated a petition that has reached over 14,000 signatures. However, government officials who reviewed the petition noted that many signatures are just paw prints from concerned dogs.