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Gross Profits? Dairy Queen Employees Fed Ice Cream with Cleaning Solution

UH-OSHA! Staff at a Kentucky DQ were forced to eat ice cream with cleaning solution in it. Was it a violation of their human rights or good old fashioned teambuilding? No one can decide.

By Jonas Polsky · March 4, 2024

Dairy Queen employees have zero CHILL Dairy Queen

I can’t relate to young people. They’re running around Facetime-ing with the members of their polyamory collectives while artificial intelligence is filing their taxes. Teenagers are dropping out of their online video classes to spend more time in their minecraft servers. When I was their age, we didn’t have minecraft, I was working in an actual mine!

I can’t believe teenagers are going to be in charge someday. These worthless kids, with their augmented reality helmets and self-driving hoverboards. They don’t realize how well they’ve got it. An entire generation of Botox-ed teenagers wearing rubber flip flops and scheming up ways to “break the internet.” I can’t stand these little brats.

And you know what’s really bad about teenagers?

Teenagers are so ungrateful these days. You give them free ice cream and then they barf it up and call the cops on you. When I was young we didn’t complain about things that we got for free. If you gave me free ice cream I would graciously accept it and then send you a thank you note in the mail! I mean, yeah, the ice cream did have A LITTLE BIT of Liquid Plumr in it, but why is that a big deal?

Anyone up for a game of Tainted Blizzard Roulette?  Dairy Queen

It’s entirely possible that cleaning solution was added to everyone’s ice cream by mistake, did you ever think of that?

And aren’t these the same kids who were competing to see who could eat a Tide Pod the fastest? It’s the ice cream and liquid drain cleaner challenge! See, now it’s fun! All you have to do is see someone eating ice cream mixed with Windex on your social media feed and all of a sudden you can’t wait to do it!

Well now I’m up to my ears in legal trouble just because I forced you to eat a chemically tainted frozen confection. How is that fair?

These kids need to learn that you have to take the good with the bad. If you find a hundred dollar bill in the street and it’s got a little mud on it, you don’t throw it in the trash! And likewise, if someone gives you a Dilly Bar that’s been soaked overnight in Clorox Bleach, you really DON’T have to collapse into convulsions and then get taken to the hospital like it was some big deal.

Ingesting three ounces of bleach never killed anyone!

I would never just make you drink bleach, I’m gonna pile some ice cream on top of it first. You’re acting like I tried to poison you or something. I mean sure, you had to call poison control because you’d ingested poison but you’re kind of forgetting about the ice cream.

Did I mention the ice cream was free?