Odd News Show

Fans Can See All the Star Wars Films Back-to-Back… Including the Bad Ones

Select U.S. movie theaters will screen all nine Star Wars movies back to back in celebration of Star Wars Day. Go or go not - there is no rain date.

By Katie Compa · March 31, 2024

Mark your calendars, space dweebs! Walt Disney Pictures/Flickr

Disclaimer: Hmm, upon a galaxy of facts, this article is built. Contains 12 parsecs of satire, it does. Strong with the satire, the article is.

Some lucky Star Wars fans and the sex robots - we mean, the droids - who love them can soon celebrate the 25th anniversary of Episode I: The Phantom Menace while lining the pockets of movie marketers. A small number of theaters will screen the entire Skywalker saga—nine movies, back to back, over the course of twenty-one hours (Rated PG-13 • Length: 1,252 minutes). The event kicks off the evening of May 3, and runs all the way through what is internationally known as Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you.)

The word “epic” hasn’t been thrown around by marketing executives this much since… well, since the release of Dune 2 mere months ago, but since Star Wars arguably lifted most of its plot from Dune in the first place, what’s a little plagiarism between plagiarists? 

At the Alamo Drafthouse in San Francisco (the theater located closest to George Lucas’s home of San Anselmo, not to mention Planet Endor), the event will feature games, trivia and, according to their Marketing Guy, “Our lobby at Alamo Drafthouse New Mission will be making the jump to a galaxy far, far away with a complete makeover, official Star Wars props on display, and Instagrammable photo ops.” Wow, this guy’s got his finger on the pulse of what the kids - sorry, the funemployed adults - are into!

We were able to exclusively obtain legitimate, verified footage of the lobby’s “immersive pop-up experience”:

San Francisco’s show is already sold out, but whether you couldn’t grab tickets in time or you just Have a Very Bad Feeling About sharing an armrest with a tech bro for 21+ hours, the saga will also screen in twelve other theaters across the country. 

These guys will definitely knock over your soda.  BlueRidgeKitties/Flickr

Franchise fans who are jonesing for some Jedi (or Jar Jar - though if that’s you, we urge you to look within) don’t have to give up hope. Procrastinating nerf herders can check out flights/AT-AT rides to:

Of course, any respectable Star Wars fan knows to show up on time, snack through Phantom Menace, nap through Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith (nothing personal, Hayden Christensen!), focus up for the original trilogy, then head out before The Rise of Skywalker to go home and put on Rogue One (which will not play at the ‘thon.)