Hot Dog! Robotic Flamethrower Canine Is Coming For Us All
Sit. Slay. Roll Over. Flambé Dead! If you’re seeking a weapon of mass destruction, may we suggest the Thermonator? It’s an emotional support animal - especially if you get really emotional about fire and laying waste to your enemies - and have a firm belief that you’re a dog person.
By Bram Teitelman · April 25, 2024

Remember what the future was supposed to be like? You’d hop into your flying car, head home from your job at the sprocket factory, trade quips with your robot maid, and then play with your dog. Of course, we’re talking about The Jetsons, and while not all of that came true, thanks to the fine folks at Throwflame, instead of having a robot maid, you can now purchase a fully controllable robot dog that just so happens to have a 30-foot flamethrower attached to it. Astro could NEVER.
The flamethrower company knows that it’s got a killing machine on its hands because they’ve named it the Thermonator. And while the $9,420 robotic dog only looks very unsettling at first, that quickly turns into pure terror once the ARC flamethrower kicks in, incinerating all in its path. The firepit-bull has a one-hour battery, is Bluetooth and wifi-enabled, and has laser sighting, so the next to last thing your enemies (or you!) might see before lots of fire is an eerie green laser pointing straight at them from a robotic Rottweiler.
Still not sold on the idea of purchasing a Thermonator? Just think of what you could do with one - the possibilities are endless, and some of them are quite stupid! For example:
The quickest way to defrost your car lock in the snowy winter - although you’ll probably need another car after the explosion
Be the hit of your next BBQ! Who needs a grill when you can roast a pig with a dog?
Buy two, put them on either side of an outdoor concert stage, and have them stand on their hind legs while looking up for the most metal pyrotechnics display this side of a Rammstein concert
Marathon training - if your pet robot dog is 31 feet behind you and is running at you with a 30-foot flame span, you’re going to be getting a move on
The polar opposite of Smokey the Bear - only you can invent forest fires! (DON’T DO THIS)
A deterrent to others with Thermonators because the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a robotic flame-throwing dog is a good guy with a robotic flame-throwing dog
A canine companion for your Boston Dynamics humanoid. Because robots get lonely, and when they get lonely, they also kill
It’s amazing that these bad boys are commercially available, but given that some people have no problem paying top dollar for something dumb that looks futuristic, we’ll probably be seeing a lot of these around in the near future. So if you’ve got that dog in you but want it to be lit AF, Throwflame has got you covered - in fire.