How the Upcoming Solar Eclipse Can Help You Convince Your Friends You’re Smart

Your entire understanding of space comes from the Star Wars franchise. But no one you’re watching the upcoming solar eclipse with has to know that.

By Jason Salmon · April 5, 2024

There's a fine line between looking fascinated and looking baffled. Adam Smith/Unsplash

You’re not smart. And that’s ok. You have street smarts. Even though that is really just a nice way of saying that you aren’t good at keeping jobs and you’ve slept on every one of your friend’s couches at some point. But with those street smarts comes an invaluable skill - mockery. Your parents think that you have been working at an internet startup for the last ten years. That takes skill. And this year’s solar eclipse is going to be your next big chance to shine and get a nice little upgrade on your social resume.

What the heck even is a solar eclipse? If you don’t count scientists, mathematicians, and people who read books and/or the internet, almost no one can tell you what exactly is happening during this astral phenomenon. Ok, that’s not true, but the fact is most people just know that it is happening and that they shouldn’t look directly at it. So here are a few tips to use this solar eclipse to help you seem smarter:

Did you know that burst is called a penumbra? It's not. See how easy that was? Jongsun Lee/Unsplash

BRING UP A LUNAR ECLIPSE

Most people will know that a solar eclipse is when the moon gets between the earth and the sun, kind of like your mom does between you and the TV when she talks to you during the game. But also knowing what a lunar eclipse is will really set you apart. That’s when the earth is between the sun and the moon, and its shadow obscures the moon. People will be impressed, but if they ask you follow-up questions, act like you need to go get some more potato salad.

USE TERMS LIKE PATH OF TOTALITY

If you want to seem smart, you don’t just have to know if you’re in the part of the country with the best view of the eclipse. You need to know that those parts of the country are in “The Path of Totality.” It’s not only useful on eclipse day, but can also be used later as a way to sound philosophical and wise: “Sometimes you gotta live for the moment, and sometimes you should pursue the path of totality.”

This is what looking at an eclipse will do to your eyes. Gabriel Barletta/Unsplash

BRING AN EXTRA PAIR OF PROTECTIVE EYEWEAR

Even if nobody needs it, offering your extra protective eyewear (that you got for free at CVS) will seem like you’ve been preparing for this for a while. Only smart people do that.

Also, instead of saying “eyes,” use terms like “retina” to really hammer home your nerd cred.

Whether you’re excited or not for what is essentially the Nerd Royal Wedding, these tricks should help you exploit it like a pro.

People are worried about not seeing the solar eclipse, but for some, not seeing it is their only option. Here’s how their experience will also be ruined.