Odd News Show

Missing Ohio Boy Was Just on His 12-Year-Old Dream Vacation

A missing 12 year old Ohio boy, was found in a Target store after spending the night. This should 100% be a Target TV commercial.

By Jason Salmon · March 15, 2024

If you're into both greeting cards and sporting good, this is the real Magic Kingdom EyewitnessNewsABC7NY/YouTube

Disclaimer: While this article is based on targeted facts, it does run away at times with a bindle of satire.

Most of us as kids threatened to run away from home because we were upset with something our parents did. For me it was being told to eat my broccoli before I could have dessert - my parents were monsters! But if you’re like me, you didn’t get any further than a few blocks away before you realized you hadn’t really thought this whole thing through.

That wasn’t an issue for a 12 year old Columbus, Ohio boy, who realized, he could parlay his runaway protest into a fun night of camping out in one of the most wonderful places on earth - a Target Store. Sure most kids think of the magic kingdom as part of Disneyland, but some of us are old souls and just as intrigued with the magical array of erasable marker choices in the office supplies section on aisle F49.

"The well-being of our Guests is our top priority."
Joe Unger - Target Spokeperson

When I was a runaway kid (full disclosure I only went a couple blocks and I certainly could not actually run with my suitcase), I had to make hard choices - go to a mattress store to sleep, a restaurant to eat, or a toy store to play. But those aren’t problems a modern twelve year old has to solve. By choosing Target, you have pillows, linens, sleeping bags, snack aisles, toys, and even video games in the electronics department. It is, without a doubt, the Epcot of hideaways for unreasonable preteens on the lam.

A pillow shaped like a disco ball!?! Tell me this place isn't magical.  Katie Vining/YouTube

Don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning a kid for running away. And the fact that he was discovered a little after 6am the next day, had to be traumatic for both him and the target employee whose spat-out first cup of coffee had to be mopped up on Aisle E34. Not to mention his parents who had filed a missing persons report, and were probably worried sick and then a little embarrassed to be questioned by both the Columbus Police and Franklin County Children’s Services before getting to reunite with their son.

What I am saying is that, as a 12 year old boy, I could have really made a solid night of dining on Good and Gather fruit strips and wheeling through the store on a kick scooter. And I really think I could’ve been able to shift that whole broccoli conversation in my favor.