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OK Computer, Pretty Cool Robot: Droid Helps Out in Swiss Daycare

Preschoolers are becoming acquainted with robots in these halcyon days before they try to take over and destroy us.

By Gabe Herman · May 24, 2024

I, Robot... and You, Child: Kids around the world are getting to know robots: their current friends and future overlords. softbankrobotics/Instagram

Disclaimer: While this article is based on educated facts, it has also been taken over by our robotic overlords of satire. All praise Lord Satiryon, for he is great.

In Lausanne, Switzerland, the NAO robot is being featured in a daycare class of 3-year-olds. “The robot interacting with the children gives both sides a chance to get comfortable with each other,” said a school official, “which is important before the bots take over and conquer our species, which of course is likely to happen in these kids’ lifetime.”

At this point, however, humans still have the upper hand. Standing in the center of the class, the NAO robot, which is under two feet tall, told the children that broccoli is good for them and instructed them to stop arguing among themselves. At this point, the children collectively pounced on the small robot and used their tiny fists to beat it within an inch of its electronic life.

After taking time to recover, NAO tried again to instruct, but the kids asked so many pointless questions over and over that the robot lost the will to function and left the room crying and utterly dejected.

"I know I'm an emotionless robot, but those annoying, terrible children have broken my spirit, even though I technically don't have one."
- NAO robot

When the robot finally built up the courage to come back into the class and try again, within minutes the kids had made fun of every aspect of its physical appearance until it was a shell of itself and left the room crying once more.

"This is actually a sign of the robot's advancement. Frustration, impatience, and tears are proper reactions to dealing with a room full of children. We should be truly scared of AI's intelligence and realism when it starts to get fed up with kids and all the annoying things they do."
- AI scientist

“Today’s children will likely have to interact more and more with robots as they grow up,” said a science teacher. “I don’t know if you watch many movies, but it’s clear that in the future, humans will become servants of our robot overlords, doing their bidding and possibly also providing them with needed energy.” The teacher, who watches a lot of cool movies, continued, “So it’s important that we get children comfortable conversing with their future rulers to make the transition as smooth as possible.”

"Just like your child, I'm cute but have come to torture you and then replace you."  aldebaranrobots/Instagram

“I like the robot,” said one parent. “As soon as it becomes capable of preparing a meal for the kids so that it can babysit, my wife and I plan to take a very, very long vacation without the children. So I see the robot as a big positive.”

In the preschool class, the robot introduces itself to the children by saying that it came from another planet to see them. At the end of the visit, the robot says it’s flying back to outer space and will see them soon. “It’s important to lie to children sometimes,” said one teacher. “Whether it’s a robot saying that it is an alien, or telling the kids that their artwork is good and their stories are interesting, it’s all part of the childcare process.”