Raisin’ a Fuss for California Drivers After Truck Spill On Freeway
Local officials said it was one of the worst traffic jams caused by dried fruit in recent memory.
By Gabe Herman · August 17, 2024
Disclaimer: While this article is spilled from sun-dried facts, it is raisin’ some serious satire.
California raisins were jammin’ this week in southern California - actual raisins, that is, causing a major traffic jam on a freeway in La Cañada Flintridge, just north of Los Angeles. After two big rigs crashed, hundreds of boxes of the dried grapes spilled out onto the road during the evening rush hour.
After the incident, both directions of traffic had just one lane open, and three lanes closed, causing backups of more than a mile. The roads were not fully cleared until after midnight. No injuries were reported, and plenty of jokes were made about the raisin-related event, all by people not stuck in the horrible traffic.
The raisin spill led to unconfirmed rumors that it was a publicity stunt by the former musical group, The California Raisins. Scuttlebutt abounded that perhaps it signaled an upcoming return by the legendary R&B animated group, which some people say rivals the Beatles as the best musical act of the 20th century.
Once word spread that raisins were everywhere on the road, young children and elderly people, the two groups who are generally the biggest fans of raisins, made a mad dash to collect as many boxes as they could.
"This is like a dream come true. I heard through the grapevine that raisins were out here, and I had to scoop up as many as I could before these little brats got to them."
“I’m so happy, I can’t even describe the feeling,” said the director of a preschool as she picked up as many boxes of raisins as she could. “Thanks to this crash, we now have enough snack supplies for years to come.”