If the rager you went on last night ended after three bars, a few shots, and a teary confessional phone call to an ex, a 69-year-old retiree is 40 times cooler than you are, and he’s got the world record to prove it.

Bone-a-Fide Faker: The Guinness Book of World Records has stripped Bobi the dog of his title of World’s Oldest Dog after an investigation found that the dog’s true age was unverifiable. Can Guinness be trusted after this embarrassment, and to what lengths will they go to protect their reputation?