Out of Service: While in California, a member of President Biden’s Secret Service detail was robbed at gunpoint. The president needs to be protected, but who will protect the protectors?

Mating App: Faced with a dwindling birth rate, Tokyo is launching an official dating app to encourage citizens to marry and have children. But how far are they willing to go?

The Wizard of Schnoz? One man set a new Guinness World Record by typing out the alphabet with his nose! Today’s workplace requires levels of productivity and efficiency that we could’ve never imagined three days ago. What new challenges lie in store for the modern worker?

Get the Lead Out! An Idaho man has tied the Guinness World Record for most pencils snapped by breaking 110 pencils in less than a minute.

This Drink is TOAST! Panera’s Charged Lemonade is being blamed for the death of two customers. After a wrongful death lawsuit, Panera Bread executives decided it was time to remove Charged Lemonade from the menu, but how did it get there in the first place?

Watery Grave: A dolphin was found shot to death in Louisiana. Police are on the case, but something about this dolphin murder smells fishy.

Give Me Liberty, or Give me Meth! During a drug-induced psychosis, a local fisherman became convinced that his friend was going to kill him and feed his body to Bigfoot. The man killed his friend, and despite claiming self-defense, he was convicted of murder. The Bigfoot in question couldn’t be located for comment.

Because it doesn’t require specialized equipment or a dedicated exercise space, planking is quickly becoming one of the most popular exercises for active seniors. But this local grandmother set a record by planking for four-and-a-half hours! Talk about core strength!

While participating in something called The Lombaby Games, retired NFL player Jason Kelce hid his Super Bowl ring in a wading pool filled with skyline chili. The ring was lost, teaching us an important lesson about putting valuable objects inside a hot tub filled with chili.

Coffin up a Lung? Skeleton thefts have rattled local cemeteries after a drug made from ground-up human bones has gained popularity.

Sure, corporations charge outrageous food prices, but that’s because food is a luxury. Walking up the street with a cheeseburger and a glass of milk is the biggest FLEX modern society has. Nobody NEEDS to eat, that’s what makes buying food such a status symbol.

Major Bag Alert! This theft was a CINCH! The homeowner wasn’t too GLAD to see this bag make off with such a HEFTY package. Should this DUMPSTER of a person get tossed in the loony BIN, or spend some time in the CAN?

You’ll own nothing, and you will be UN-happy. After years of theft from Air Force One, the White House Correspondents’ Association issued a stern warning to reporters against theft. But will a glorified press release be enough to stop this aerial crime wave?

Rage Against the Machine Learning? A robotic police dog was gunned down in the line of duty - should the public be upset about the forced disassembly of a mechanized dog, or is it just manufactured outrage?