Odd News Show

Opinion

Scared, confused, hopeless. America's lost line of defense. Defense Visual Information Distribution Service/Public Domain

News

The Shoddy Guard: Secret Service Agent Robbed at Gunpoint

Out of Service: While in California, a member of President Biden’s Secret Service detail was robbed at gunpoint. The president needs to be protected, but who will protect the protectors?

The tired old excuse, "I don't have hands, I can't type" isn't going to cut it anymore. Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels/Creative Commons

World Records

Typeface: Local Man Sets Record for Typing with His Nose

The Wizard of Schnoz? One man set a new Guinness World Record by typing out the alphabet with his nose! Today’s workplace requires levels of productivity and efficiency that we could’ve never imagined three days ago. What new challenges lie in store for the modern worker?

Home of the Extinct Charged Lemonade Miosotis Jade/Wikimedia/Creative Commons License

Food

In God We Crust: Panera’s Charged Lemonade is Bread on Arrival

This Drink is TOAST! Panera’s Charged Lemonade is being blamed for the death of two customers. After a wrongful death lawsuit, Panera Bread executives decided it was time to remove Charged Lemonade from the menu, but how did it get there in the first place?

Dolphins think that they're hip, that they know all the angles. The truth is -- they haven't got a clue. Safaritravelplus/Wikimedia Commons/Creative Commons License

News

Crime Wave: Murdered Dolphin Has Detectives Fishing for Clues

Watery Grave: A dolphin was found shot to death in Louisiana. Police are on the case, but something about this dolphin murder smells fishy.

It hurts to think about it, but this little girl is definitely dead. Oregon Department of Transportation/Creative Commons License

Paranormal

Breaking Glad: Meth Smoker Narrowly Avoids Being Fed to Bigfoot

Give Me Liberty, or Give me Meth! During a drug-induced psychosis, a local fisherman became convinced that his friend was going to kill him and feed his body to Bigfoot. The man killed his friend, and despite claiming self-defense, he was convicted of murder. The Bigfoot in question couldn’t be located for comment.

Be still my failing heart! The world of competitive time-wasting is upon us, seniors! Polona Mitar Osolnik/Pexels/Creative Commons License

World Records

Rigor Mortis? Motionless Grandmother Sets Planking Record

Because it doesn’t require specialized equipment or a dedicated exercise space, planking is quickly becoming one of the most popular exercises for active seniors. But this local grandmother set a record by planking for four-and-a-half hours! Talk about core strength!

Put your valuables in here. The Cozy Cook/Creative Commons License

Sports

Spill the Beans: Jason Kelce Loses His Super Bowl Ring Inside a Giant Pool of Chili

While participating in something called The Lombaby Games, retired NFL player Jason Kelce hid his Super Bowl ring in a wading pool filled with skyline chili. The ring was lost, teaching us an important lesson about putting valuable objects inside a hot tub filled with chili.

If money was no object; what would you eat? U.S. Department of Agriculture/Flickr

News

Let Them Eat Steak: Stop Buying Groceries and Live Debt-Free

Sure, corporations charge outrageous food prices, but that’s because food is a luxury. Walking up the street with a cheeseburger and a glass of milk is the biggest FLEX modern society has. Nobody NEEDS to eat, that’s what makes buying food such a status symbol.

As Sun Tzu once tweeted, "All warfare is based on deception." Pexels/Supareg Sukasai

News

Concealed Carry: Crafty Porch Pirate Secures the Bag

Major Bag Alert! This theft was a CINCH! The homeowner wasn’t too GLAD to see this bag make off with such a HEFTY package. Should this DUMPSTER of a person get tossed in the loony BIN, or spend some time in the CAN?

When you steal from the government, it's the taxpayer that suffers. Defense Visual Information Distribution Service/Public Domain

News

Stop the Steal? Air Force One Picked Clean by Thieving Reporters

You’ll own nothing, and you will be UN-happy. After years of theft from Air Force One, the White House Correspondents’ Association issued a stern warning to reporters against theft. But will a glorified press release be enough to stop this aerial crime wave?

Sit! Roll over! KILL! Massachusetts State Police/Associated Press

News

Assault and Batteries: Robot Police Dog Has a Warranty for Your Arrest

Rage Against the Machine Learning? A robotic police dog was gunned down in the line of duty - should the public be upset about the forced disassembly of a mechanized dog, or is it just manufactured outrage?