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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm.

By Missy Baker · August 2, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you this weekend? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will you go for the gold with your crush this weekend? Will you lose your life savings betting on Men's artistic gymnastics? Is everything I'm saying totally made up? Read on to find out!

No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you see here.  Odd News Show

Aries

Namaste unconscious.  Odd News Show

Gemini

Ain't no shame in your game.  Odd News Show

Taurus

Put that bird away!  Odd News Show

Cancer

You are NOT Simone Biles.  Odd News Show

Leo

Credit scores are temporary, memories are forever.  Odd News Show

Virgo

Success is overrated.  Odd News Show

Libra

If only...  Odd News Show

Scorpio

Busted!  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

If anyone asks, it's your uncle's brother's neighbor's turtle's wedding this weekend.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

This should definitely go on your resume  Odd News Show

Aquarius

So unfair.  Odd News Show

Pisces

It can't love you back, Pisces.  Odd News Show