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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm.

By Missy Baker · August 9, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you this weekend? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will an old flame heat up your summer weekend? Will your boss ever respect you? Is everything I'm saying totally made up? Read on to find out!

No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

You're safe now.  Odd News Show

Gemini

The REAL walk of shame.  Odd News Show

Taurus

When will you learn, Taurus?  Odd News Show

Cancer

Being indoors prevents sun damage!  Odd News Show

Leo

Peasants.  Odd News Show

Virgo

Don't worry they think everything's cringe.  Odd News Show

Libra

Sorry, family.  Odd News Show

Scorpio

Stay strong.  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

That stinks.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Time is an illusion.  Odd News Show

Aquarius

Do you smell that?  Odd News Show

Pisces

Tragedy will strike when you accidentially "like" a picture from 2016.  Odd News Show