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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm.

By Missy Baker · August 23, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you this weekend? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will your summer romance fizzle or sizzle? Will your boss ever respect you? Is everything I'm saying totally made up? Read on to find out!

No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

The real MVP.  Odd News Show

Gemini

That's Monday's problem.  Odd News Show

Taurus

A cruel joke.  Odd News Show

Cancer

Hair of the dog... literally.  Odd News Show

Leo

They worship the ground you walk on.  Odd News Show

Virgo

Eh, maybe next weekend.  Odd News Show

Libra

Adults need notebooks too.  Odd News Show

Scorpio

Don’t forget that bastard humidity!  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

Who needs Ozempic?  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Crushing it.  Odd News Show

Aquarius

Namaste.  Odd News Show

Pisces

Stay caffeinated.  Odd News Show