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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm.

By Missy Baker · September 13, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you this weekend? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will you survive Friday the 13th without a scratch, or is Sunday brunch on the 15th when things really start to get scary? Is everything I'm saying totally made up? Read on to find out!

No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

'Tis the season.  Odd News Show

Gemini

Just avoid anyone wearing a hockey mask.  Odd News Show

Taurus

Either way, it's going to be a mess.  Odd News Show

Cancer

Be careful out there.  Odd News Show

Leo

Sweet freedom!  Odd News Show

Virgo

PARTY TIME!  Odd News Show

Libra

Your blood pressure will thank you.  Odd News Show

Scorpio

There's always next year... or the year after that.  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

In her defense, air fryers are amazing.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Soulmates do exist.  Odd News Show

Aquarius

Either way, you're going to be sweating.  Odd News Show

Pisces

It's a beautiful weekend to stay on the couch.  Odd News Show