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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (July 12‑14)

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm.

By Missy Baker · July 12, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you this weekend? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will your weekend plans be hijacked by a surprise visitor? Will sparks fly with the one that got away? Is everything I'm saying totally made up? Read on to find out!

No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

It can't be your dog's birthday every weekend.  Odd News Show

Gemini

Take the midnight train goin' anywhere.  Odd News Show

Taurus

You'll get burned.  Odd News Show

Cancer

Comes in handy.  Odd News Show

Leo

If the clown shoe fits, wear it.  Odd News Show

Virgo

Follow your heart and your cart.  Odd News Show

Libra

Feel the burn!  Odd News Show

Scorpio

Your elastic waistbands deserve a break.  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

Work hard, nap harder.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Where's Sherlock Holmes when you need him?  Odd News Show

Aquarius

The pain is real.  Odd News Show

Pisces

Stay cool, Pisces!  Odd News Show