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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (May 31-June 2)

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.

By Missy Baker · May 31, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Is there a steamy summer romance in your future? Will the drama at your family BBQ make the local news? Is everything I'm saying completely made up? Read on to find out! No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

May the universe protect you from whatever's going on in that gas station bathroom.  Odd News Show

Gemini

Live (some of) your dreams!  Odd News Show

Taurus

I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Taurus.  Odd News Show

Cancer

Down the drain!  Odd News Show

Leo

Watch and learn!  Odd News Show

Virgo

At least there will be plenty of pillows nearby to scream into.  Odd News Show

Libra

Just don't drunk text your ex.  Odd News Show

Scorpio

That BITES!  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

The fire extinguisher is your friend.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Sorry, the universe gave you a wedgie.  Odd News Show

Aquarius

Apply SPF as needed.  Odd News Show

Pisces

Do us all a favor, Pisces.  Odd News Show