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When Getting a Waffle House Tattoo Isn’t the Worst Decision You Made That Day

A Florida man admitted to stealing a Waffle House Tattoo. That is easily weirdest way to say that he just didn’t pay for it.

By Jason Salmon · April 2, 2024

We get it. You Love Waffle House Frederick Shaw/Unsplash

Disclaimer: While this article is based on a full stack of facts, it is also slathered with syrupy satire.

Are you a good decision-maker? How can you tell? Some would say that the places you frequent are a good indicator. Others might think getting regrettable things tattooed on your body is a sure sign you are not. Some would be so lenient as to say that as long as it is legal, then it is not a bad decision. Max Krejckant—by any and all of these metrics—is a terrible decision-maker.

Lots of bad/drunk decisions made in this establishment  Maxim Hopman/Unsplash

Krejckant, 33, pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge related to his refusal to pay the $250 for obtaining a tattoo of a Waffle House sign at the Ink Gods tattoo parlor in St. Petersburg, FL. Sure, the beginnings of his decision-making process were questionable, but not repulsive.

He loves a restaurant. He got the tattoo on his calf because when you are paying homage to a food establishment that is as well known for fist fights as it is for any single food item, you want to do it in a way that’s going to really put an exclamation point on those cargo shorts your ex-wife used to hate so much. It makes sense - Waffle House tattoos on a calf. IHOP is a lower-back venture. Denny’s goes across your chest. His bad decisions had structure and that’s how societies stay intact.

But stealing a tattoo - that is where you lose us all. First of all, with the sentence structure. We should agree just to call it not paying for a tattoo. And on top of that, you know what crimes societies abhor the most? The ones it takes them a while to understand. By the time we figured out what Madoff actually did, he was public enemy number one. You stole a tattoo? Confusion is not your ally. Also, tattoo people look like prisoners and they deal in instruments of pain. I don’t want to make any broad judgments here, but my advice would be to never steal from someone who looks like they have a penchant for taking care of these things themselves.

Lots of bad/drunk decisions made in this establishment as well.  Simon Ray/Unsplash

After paying $650 in restitution, court costs, and fees, he admitted he was drunk when he requested the tattoo. But for anyone who read this whole story, that probably already seemed crystal clear.