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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (April 26‑28)

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.

By Missy Baker · April 26, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will you strike up a romance with a mysterious stranger? Will your family ever respect you? Is everything I'm saying completely made up? Read on to find out! No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

I see bed sores in your future.  Odd News Show

Gemini

Step away from the razor, Gemini.  Odd News Show

Taurus

You tried.  Odd News Show

Cancer

They want to take your picture AND get your fingerprints? Wow!  Odd News Show

Leo

Trust no one, Leo.  Odd News Show

Virgo

What could go wrong?  Odd News Show

Libra

You need to get out more, Libra.  Odd News Show

Scorpio

It's not gonna happen.  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

Keep calm and twitch on.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Credit scores, schmedit scores.  Odd News Show

Aquarius

Bless this mess.  Odd News Show

Pisces

Get help.  Odd News Show