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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (March 22‑24)
Haters will say I don’t know Astrology and I can’t predict the future, but guess what, I just did. Read on to see your highly authentic, never-fabricated, fact-based weekend horoscope. My sources indicate you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.
By Missy Baker · March 22, 2024
Your Odd News Show Weekend Horoscope
Want to know what the stars have in store for you for this magical first weekend of spring? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not made-up Horoscopes.I've communed with my sources in the great unknown to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the unlikable ones.
So how will you spend your weekend? Will you be tiptoeing through the tulips with your soulmate, or will you be cursed with seasonal allergies 'til Christmas? No matter what sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you see here. Odd News Show
Aries
You'll have the energy of Richard Simmons drinking Red Bull Odd News Show
Gemini
Comin' out of your cave and you're doing just fine. Odd News Show
Taurus
Taurus, no! Odd News Show
Cancer
I see a clogged drain in your future. Odd News Show
Leo
By any chance, does your ex go by the name of "Chaos"? Odd News Show
Virgo
Plant yourself on the couch. Odd News Show
Libra
Don't make any RASH decisions. Odd News Show
Scorpio
Cheers to that! Odd News Show
Sagittarius
Watch out for STDs (Spring-Transmitted-Diseases.) Odd News Show
Capricorn
March Madness, indeed. Odd News Show
Aquarius
Are you thrillin' or are you chillin' this weekend? Odd News Show