Odd News Show


Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (March 22‑24)

Haters will say I don’t know Astrology and I can’t predict the future, but guess what, I just did. Read on to see your highly authentic, never-fabricated, fact-based weekend horoscope. My sources indicate you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.

By Missy Baker · March 22, 2024

Your Odd News Show Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you for this magical first weekend of spring? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not made-up Horoscopes.

I've communed with my sources in the great unknown to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the unlikable ones.

So how will you spend your weekend? Will you be tiptoeing through the tulips with your soulmate, or will you be cursed with seasonal allergies 'til Christmas? No matter what sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you see here.  Odd News Show


You'll have the energy of Richard Simmons drinking Red Bull  Odd News Show


Comin' out of your cave and you're doing just fine.  Odd News Show


Taurus, no!  Odd News Show


I see a clogged drain in your future.  Odd News Show


By any chance, does your ex go by the name of "Chaos"?  Odd News Show


Plant yourself on the couch.  Odd News Show


Don't make any RASH decisions.  Odd News Show


Cheers to that!  Odd News Show


Watch out for STDs (Spring-Transmitted-Diseases.)  Odd News Show


March Madness, indeed.  Odd News Show


Are you thrillin' or are you chillin' this weekend?  Odd News Show


It's The Purge for Pisces.  Odd News Show