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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (May 10‑12)

Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes. I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.

By Missy Baker · May 11, 2024

Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope

Want to know what the stars have in store for you? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes. I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.

Will a mysterious stranger tickle your fancy on Saturday? Will you ever get a table at brunch on Sunday? Is everything I'm saying completely made up? Read on to find out! No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's certain. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here.  Odd News Show

Aries

Grow up, Aries.  Odd News Show

Gemini

Couch potato > Barfly (at least for this weekend).  Odd News Show

Taurus

What happened to “it’s the thought that counts?"  Odd News Show

Cancer

You’ve been asked to leave, Cancer.  Odd News Show

Leo

Leos gonna Leo.  Odd News Show

Virgo

Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.  Odd News Show

Libra

Productivity is overrated.  Odd News Show

Scorpio

You don’t. Believe me, you don’t.  Odd News Show

Sagittarius

 Stop hiding behind the frozen foods. They can’t protect you.  Odd News Show

Capricorn

Delulu is the solulu.  Odd News Show

Aquarius

There is such a thing as TOO MUCH family time.  Odd News Show

Pisces

 A lot of damage can be done in 2 minutes.  Odd News Show