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Your Totally-Not-Made-Up Weekend Horoscopes (May 3‑5)
Don’t make any weekend plans without consulting these highly authentic, never-fabricated, 100% fact-based weekend horoscopes.
I’ve got the spiritual scoop on the next 72 hours, and the stars are telling me you should be on the lookout for sarcasm in the extremely near future.
By Missy Baker · May 3, 2024
Your Odd News Weekend Horoscope
Want to know what the stars have in store for you? Look no further than these very real, totally accurate, definitely not fake Horoscopes.I've called upon my trusted sources in the great beyond to find out exactly what the future holds for all 12 Zodiac signs, even the duds.
Will you lose it all betting on the Kentucky Derby on Saturday? Will your Sunday Funday turn into a margarita-fueled blackout? Is everything I'm saying completely made up? Read on to find out!
No matter what star sign you were born under, one thing's for sure. You should absolutely, 100% without a doubt, base your entire life on everything you read here. Odd News Show
Aries
Proceed with caution and keep the first aid kit handy. Odd News Show
Gemini
So. Much. Regret. Odd News Show
Taurus
What could go wrong? Odd News Show
Cancer
Bankrupt them! Odd News Show
Leo
Rude! Odd News Show
Virgo
The house always wins. Odd News Show
Libra
My sources say you should call in sick on Monday. Odd News Show
Scorpio
Never give up on your dreams of knowing where the #$*& your keys are. Odd News Show
Sagittarius
Productivity is overrated. Odd News Show
Capricorn
Change your sheets, change your life. Odd News Show
Aquarius
I'll save you a Google search: No, you can't die from embarrassment. Odd News Show